Turning Point
There haven’t been many turning points in my life, but I’d say that this safely counts as one. In fact, it’s massive. It comes with this sense of knowing and it feels amazing to know exactly where I want to be at years down the road. Of course, it can change, but knowing, for now, just feels good - pardon my inability to describe this fleeting emotion.
I’ve had my fair share of insufficient planning and convenient choices, of going with the flow and leaving things up to anyone but myself, of believing that I didn’t deserve anything better than what my circumstances had led me to believe. Not anymore. I want my own life to be shaped by my conscious and deliberate decisions; I don’t really want to sit and wait and ponder upon what chances could possibly come my way and whether to accept them or not. I want to be out there, searching.
So, I’ve been doing a bit of cleaning up on my commitments the past few months, and while 2011 hasn’t been all that smooth-sailing, I’m happy with the way it’s ending. For now, I can bask in the immense relief concomitant of my acceptance, and silently hold the motivation close to my heart. There’s a nagging worry that is only going to grow louder as the date closes in, but as I sit here with the gradual realisation of the ponderance of my signing on the line, I am at peace because this is what I’ve been looking and working hard for.
